For anyone looking for the bureaucratic equivalent of a kids' "contest" in which everyone receives a trophy, here's a picture from the East Orange Post Office:
Now it's hard to make out the caption on the plaque, hanging there forlornly on the bulletin board at the East Orange Post Office, so I'll provide it for you:
Newark District
Holiday Lobby Decoration Contest
3rd Place
Presented to
East Orange Post Office
for
Best Integration of Postal Products & Services into Theme
Group 1
December 1999
Now...It's a bit hard to figure out where to begin in celebrating this plaque. So, let's just run down the list. 1) 3rd place. Okay, a plaque was issued for the bronze. I guess the plaque budget was riding high. If this were the only drawback, I might let it slide, but... 2) Best Integration of Postal Products & Services into Theme. Well, that's quite specific. I mean, third place overall in the decorating contest would really have been something. But the triumph is muffled a bit with such a narrow category, no? I mean, they weren't able to snag any of the top spots in the Posters and Notices Not Placed Upside Down/Not Slanted at a 60 Degree Angle or Less category? 3) Group 1? This relates to the Newark District delimiter detailed at the outset. A national competition - a worthy reason to display the plaque. Statewide...eh, still worthy. Third place in the Newark district/um, semi-worthy at best. But third place in the Newark District, Group 1...? We're really starting to push it. And, finally, 4) December 1999. Given that the fateful competition memorialized by the plaque took place ten years ago, I have a thought, echoing the immortal words of Janet Jackson, "What have you done for me lately?" All this adds up to perhaps the iffiest exploit ever immortalized in faux-marble.
Of course, the bigger issue suggested by this plaque is that this Post Office must really suck if this is the best, nay, only accomplishment they can claim. I can imagine a confrontation with a supervisor involving some aspect of the EOPO's crapiness devolving into a impassioned defense in which the postal worker points (stridently and with no trace of self-consciousness) to the plaque and exclaims: "We may have thrown away your mail which we never even delivered to your building in the first place, Sir, but you don't come away with an honor like that without being at least above average integrating postal products into a holiday theme in the Newark District, Group 1 at least once in the past ten years, so I think it's clear we know what we're doing 'round here."
Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job.
2 comments:
Grantlander, you give a new meaning to going postal. I do feel for you. This plaque story reminds me of my friend who worked for a moving company during college. He recieved a plaque and a raise simply because he was the only one who hadn't lost his license to a D.U.I.
Anywho, let me take you away for a bit to postal paradise in small/flyover town U.S.A. I think I had to wait in line once around X-mas time. There were three people in front of me. They had to bust open a second window to handle the crowd. I have to honestly say that I have never encountered a more cheerful place that actually appreciates my business. The fact that this is a government run institution says a lot about the people. Nothing annoys me more than dealing with a business that acts like your bothering them. You'd think you'd find that more at the "I have a job and pension for life no matter how I treat you" post office than at say, my local auto parts store, but in my world that isn't the case.
Yes. Anyone who has been in business for a while comes to realize the lack of significance of these "awards." In the advertising world, one pays healthy fees to enter one's project. So the judging is limited to the group that is willing to pay for the recognition.
Thus, I do not understand why they continue to be "valued" or boasted about when everyone knows the deal. I've written dozens of articles in my day where a company wants to blow its own horn for winning the Midwest Landscapers & Irrigation Association silver award in the best color palate tulip bed category and such. Tee Hee! Humans are just so silly. Not to detract from the EOPO marketing materials integrated into Christmas design category... 3rd place, 1999! That's awesome! And I have the acceptance speech all written in my head!
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